Thirty things I hope my kids remember when they leave home

"Imagine it’s the final night your son or daughter is living in your house." What advice would you give them?

This is an exercise in the book "Day One Leadership" by Drew Dudley - Day One Leadership. It's called "Edge of the bed advice" as you need to picture yourself at the edge of your child's bed on the final night that they are in your house. What is the best life advice that you would provide them? What are the insights that have contributed to your happiness? 

This exercise asks you to write down 30 pieces of advice you’d want to pass on as if tonight were the last night your child is living at home. Below is my second attempt at this ‘Edge of the Bed’ reflection — drawn from what I’ve learned about life, leadership, and happiness (first attempt is here). I hope you find something in it that resonates, and I wish you all the very best in the new year.

1. Assume the best of others - keep an open mind and take the time to hear others out.

2. When in doubt about how to use your time, spend time with family and those you love. Make time for your children now, because the time you invest today shapes the relationship you’ll have later.

3. If you want to grow, it's not just about trying. You need to push yourself out of your comfort zone. This is true for exercise, learning, relationships, finances, your career, and more.

4. Ultimately, career success comes down to taking action and delivering results.

5. Respond, don't react. Take a moment and put yourself in the other person's shoes before you act.

6. Don't just learn for the sake of learning. Share what you've learned with others.

7. Don't expect others to toot your horn - you need to be the one who does the tooting.

8. Hard work and determination prevail over everything. If you are passionate about what you are doing, this makes it easier, but you'll sometimes have to do things you don't want to if you want to take the next step. There are no short-cuts.

9. Show other people that you care about them. Treat people as they want to be treated.

10. It's not about what the other person did for you. Do things without expecting anything in return.

11. Focus on what you can control, not what you can't. Recognize what you can't control and be OK with that. If it's a challenging situation that you can control, see it as an opportunity - don't just throw in the towel.

12. You can't go at it alone. Seek advice and help from others. Hold your ego in check as it may be preventing you from letting your guard down.

13. Writing clarifies your thoughts. Write down what you have learned, what is troubling you, or what you aspire to do. Keep a journal and return to it often. The ordinary moments fade faster than you think, and many of them matter more than you realize.

14. You can't achieve without planning. Plan your day, your week, your month, your year, your next 5 years. Set out high-level goals, then build a plan for achieving them. Be as specific as possible. Put systems in place to achieve your goals.

15. Treat your spouse as your equal partner in everything: child-rearing, housework, money, intellect - everything.

16. Exercise regularly. Don't take your health for granted. Find something you enjoy and do it consistently.

17. If you aren't happy with your job for a consistent period, leave it. It's not worth staying in something if you are unhappy. Before you do, be sure to identify the source of the problem so you can avoid it in the future.

18. Invest in yourself. The returns compound over time. This includes reading, exercising, continuing your education, seeking out mentors, and more. You are never done.

19. Help others as best you can. It doesn’t require money, just openness and a willingness to share when asked.

20. Do the things you want to do now. If you keep postponing them, many will never happen — travel, that concert, or telling someone you love them.

21. Be happy and proud of what you have rather than what you don't. Stop comparing yourself to others.

22. Limit the time you spend on things that provide little value. We all have our vices. Look for ways to shut those out so you can focus on what will bring you the most fulfillment over the long haul.

23. Go on quiet walks for the sake of walking. Walking is good for your health and feeds the mind and the soul.

24. Get a pet. Pets (dogs in my case) improve your well-being and deepen the love in your family.

25. Failure is never final. It’s a necessary part of success.

26. Take time off to heal and to spend time with friends and family. When planning your schedule, start by booking vacation time off.

27. Tell your loved ones that you love them every day. Tell people that you admire that you appreciate them.

28. Start with patience. Be patient with others, with your career, and with your family. At times, things may seem uncomfortable or strange but look further down the road for a light at the end of the tunnel. If there is no light, it's time for a change.

29. Communicate with your parents as often as you can. You will be sorry when you can't anymore. Make sure you tell them how you feel - don't hold back. 

30. If it's important to you, don't give up. If you're hitting a wall, seek out advice, take a pause, or try to reframe the problem. The things you want the most will be the hardest to attain but they usually bring the sweetest rewards. It's OK if you hit a blocker. Stick with it.

As a bonus, I would include "Done is better than perfect". Too often, we can get stuck in the details and desire perfection. It's not worth it.

Some of these lessons I’ve lived well; others I’m still working on. Like everyone else, I’m very much a work in progress. Are there any that resonated with you? I encourage you to try this exercise yourself.